You ever talk to a conspiracy theorist? No, I mean really talk to one. It’s like stepping into a kaleidoscope of nonsense—colours, patterns, wild connections—but zero structure. Zero proof. Just vibes.

They’ll tell you the moon landing was fake. Vaccines are tracking devices. COVID was a hoax. 9/11 was an inside job. The earth is flat. Birds aren’t real. You sit there thinking, “How do you make it through a day without choking on your own imagination?”

Listen, it takes an extraordinary amount of confidence to believe everyone else is asleep and you, with your YouTube degree and Reddit syllabus, have cracked the matrix. And I’ll give them this—they’re imaginative.

They build castles in the air with matchsticks and misinformation. But just because your theory is elaborate doesn’t make it evidence. Just because it feels good to distrust doesn’t make your distrust holy.

I’m Zimbabwean. I know propaganda. I know lies sold as national pride. But even in a country where truth often comes filtered through fear, I know the difference between questioning power and cosplaying rebellion.

Questioning power means digging, cross-checking, interrogating facts. Conspiracy culture? That’s just doubting for attention. It’s rebellion without risk. You don’t even need to leave your couch—you just watch another “documentary” that confirms your echo-chamber paranoia.

And the arrogance! To assume that scientists, doctors, engineers, professors, thousands of people across nations, cultures, disciplines, and decades are all secretly working together to lie to you, a guy who couldn’t pass his O-Level Chemistry but has a WhatsApp group called “Woke Warriors 3.0.”

You’re not awake. You’re lost in a maze of your own making, convinced that every shadow is a monster and every light is a lie. Get out of the algorithm loop. Read a damn book. Talk to real people doing the real work. You don’t need to “wake up.” You need to grow up.